THE INVITATION

In Buenos Aires the invitation is a look, a glance (cabeceo). Some gentlemen prefer asking the lady to dance by a slight move of the head or by winking. Usually the gentleman looks at the lady and if she accepts his look, he gets up and invites her to dance.

A good rule of thumb for ladies is: if you wish to dance, act accordingly. Smile and look like you are having a good time. Please, don’t be invisible or neutral and even when you’re sitting and chatting, always keep looking around the room for a dancing partner. A polite dancer will never interrupt the conversation between two ladies to invite one to dance.

The lady has the absolute right to decline a dance invitation. She doesn’t have to excuse herself it and may, if she wants, accept another gentleman’s invitation for the same tanda. In general, if a lady accepts an invitation, she will dance four dances (a tanda). If, after a tango or two she thanks the partner and stops, the polite thing to do is to accompany her back to her seat. The gentlemen have the same right: they can thank the lady before the end of the tanda, but good manners oblige them to do it in a pleasant and nice way and to then escort the lady back to her seat” Thank you” usually means “I want to stop”. It is perfectly acceptable for one of the partners to stop after one or two tangos if he/she is not comfortable in the company of the other.

If the ladies don’t want to dance they have to decline the invitation. If you don’t approve of the way you are invited or with his dancing, decline the invitation. If you accept any invitation and any kind of dancing you will only encourage an uncivilized behaviour at the milonga.
It is rude to invite someone when he/she returns to the table after a tanda – there might be someone else waiting for him/her. It is impolite to interrupt a conversation in order to invite someone or to invite by extending your hand to the partner. Usually one doesn’t invite a lady who’s eating or smoking. In South America, at certain milongas, it is polite to ask for the lady’s partner’s consent when inviting her to dance.

Serious dancers don’t dance with people they have not seen dancing. Thus both gentlemen and ladies need a few dances to ‘recommend’ themselves at a milonga. And by the way, be proud of your partner and show her off to the others.